"I'll have a quiet day today, just run a few errands with the kids." Sounds easy, doesn't it? I should know better. Here's what happens in my house.

8:30 am: Let cat into oldest daughter's bedroom to wake her up.

8:32 am: door slams as cat is dumped unceremoniously back out.

8:45 am: I check on her. Dressed but grumpy. "Why do I have to get up so early?"

9:00 am: youngest child wants Sesame Street. I turn it on while I tidy kitchen and organize list. Warn kids we are leaving in half an hour.

9:30 am: "Time to go!" Middle child remembers she hasn't eaten. Youngest pitches fit because Sesame Street isn't over yet. Get cereal and milk out again. Turn TV back on.

10:00 am: NOW we are going. Everyone piles into van.

10:02 am: discover youngest has nothing on under dress. Back into house for underwear.

10:15 am: back into van. Take 2.

10:20 am: back home. Forgot list. Grab extra toy for whiny child. Take 3.

10:35 am: First stop. "Mom this is boring. I'm hungry." Pull out bagels I packed in advance, mentally congratulating myself on superior parenting skills and forethought.

10:50 am: Second stop. "I'm thirsty." Mentally smack forehead. Forgot water. Downgrade mothering skills to "adequate".

11:20 am: youngest child breaks lamp in furniture department. Consider trading her in as payment. Older two still thirsty.

11:45 am: head to food court in mall. Armageddon erupts over what food to buy.

12:00 pm: everyone eating, drinking, happy! This ain't so bad. Upgrade mothering skills back to "superior".

12:30 pm: looking for jeans in children's store. Find jeans. Lose youngest child. Search frantically, notify store security, serious panic mode sets in. Downgrade mothering skills to "may not own hamster without supervision". Youngest child found hiding under clothing rack.

12:45 pm: refrained from strangling youngest child. Mentally congratulate myself but no upgrade. Need coffee.

1:00 pm: sip latte shakily while kids eat, again.

1:30 pm: head down escalator to parking lot. Kids get back on at bottom. I chase them around a few times.

1:35 pm: in van. Youngest child announces she has to pee. Oops! forgot to take her earlier. Back out to find washrooms.

1:40 pm: don't make it. Mall maintenance beginning to look unfriendly. Serious downgrade.

2:00 pm: nothing a change of clothes can't fix. Upgrade to "adequate" for remembering to bring extra clothes. Last stop. Unfortunately, it's the bank.

2:20 pm: older two amuse youngest with ATM while I wait in line. Can't find bank card.

2:25 pm: teller informs me account is empty. At ATM, kids are laughing, throwing bills into the air. They found my card.

2:40 pm: problem solved. Bank manager beginning to look unfriendly.

3:15 pm: back home, finally! Neighbor kids are over. Everyone's playing - great! Consider upgrading mothering skills to "average".

4:15 pm: time to start supper. No chicken. Briefly consider grocery store. Slap myself.

4:25 pm: call hubby to pick up chicken. Hubby says, "Too busy. Why can't you do it?"

11:00 pm: Hubby says, "Come on, Honey! I said I was sorry!"

11:05 pm: upgrade husband to "not working up to potential" and let him in bedroom. Upgrade mothering skills to "adequate when aware of limitations". Resolve to have a quiet day tomorrow.

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